For some reason how much a mother/parent plays with their child(ren) has come up a lot in recent conversations. I've done a lot thinking about this because, well, I'm not inclined to play constantly with my son. In fact, I think that it is detrimental to the development of a child to become dependant on a parent to entertain them. The work of children is play. The work of an adult is many, many things and play is a part of that but it is not the primary focus. So, I do not feel guilty that I actively encourage my son to play on his own 90% of the time.
Does this mean that when my child needs my attention I ignore him? Not in the least. There is a world of difference between ignoring the needs of my child and activiely encouraging him to discover and create his own worlds of play. Worlds that I cannot and should not enter into. After all, why is it that I get bored within a few minutes of scripted, pretend play but children can go for long stretches of time without breaking character? Because I am not wired for that kind of play but my son is.
Of course, this all plays into how we parent overall. I practice what I have heard called benign neglect. That means that I allow my son a lot of free reign in which to explore and learn without interference from me. So, it seems to be a natural extension of that to encourage him to play for long stretches on his own. I think, too, it depends on how one defines play. We spend a lot of our day talking and he tags along with my chores most of the time. We go for walks and talk about what we are seeing and we read and cook, etc. But we also spend a long part of every day with me reading on the couch while he plays. Or if we go to the playground, I sit on the bench and only intervene when he is in danger or is threatening harm to another child! In other words, not very often.
I'm sure there are differing perspectives with regards to how much a parent should play with their children (as with every aspect of parenting!). I guess I would offer up the perspective that the guilt that is poured on by some media and experts is perhaps a little out of whack. Perhaps constantly being entertained is not a healthy state of being for adults. We should consider when those patterns are established. Yes, please interact with your child on their level. Yes, family time is great. But please don't feel guilty if it's just not your thing to play ponies or trains for hours on end.
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I think a lot of that guilt comes from working moms who are away from their kids all day long and try to make themselves feel better by talking about 'quality time' and claiming they play a lot with their kids, etc. We're there for the kids, all the time. Our kids know that. We're not their friends, we're their moms! Yea, playing with them is great, and they like it, but you're right- it needs its boundaries, like anything else.
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