Parenting and expectations

I've been thinking a lot about the expectations that we set for our children. I am wondering if as a general rule we set them too low. Let me give a bit of background by saying that I associate myself most strongly with the "attachment" style of parenting (AP). I believe in creating a strong relational bond with a child from infancy and in gentle discipline with the focus on grace and mercy over punishment. That said, I also believe that as parents it is our God given responsibility to our children to guide, instruct, set and enforce boundaries. So, what does that mean in practical terms? I'm still working this out. I hope to constantly be working this out because, whatever else, parenting should be flexible and responsive. Attachment parenting is pretty darn easy through infancy. You sling the baby, nurse the baby, sleep with baby and respond to the baby. You're good. But as your child moves into toddlerhood, they begin to test those boundaries. That's good and normal. I've been trying to reconcile myself with what sometimes appear to be conflicting theories regarding parenting. How can one be gentle but strict about enforcing the boundaries? Because I do believe that a child needs that consistent response to the testing of the waters and I sometimes think that attachment parenting and gentle discipline theories are short on the practical application. How does one find the balance between being responsive to the child's needs and guiding the child? My problem with absolute child-led parenting is that a child is a child. Which is part of the argument behind AP, age-appropriate responses and expectations. Which leads me to my present quandary.

We've begun potty training (another issue just in that: potty learning vs potty training?!?!? Is no one familiar with the idea that training is not always negative? Is training not a way of teaching one's mind and body through intense application? I don't get it.). At any rate, we've begun potty training by means of elimination communication (EC) techniques and routine. D is just now 17 months old and by general sentiment he is either too young or too old to learn to eliminate in the potty. But he is. And he is very proud of himself for doing so. And this is where my question stems from: do we set our expectations for our children too low? By most AP standards (not EC) I'm not following the child's lead with this and am therefore undermining him. But, if I had waited for him to show "readiness signs" for pottying, we may never have begun this process. So here we are with a very proud little boy who has begun to ask to use the potty one week into potty learning. I realized that my expectations of him were definitely too low. As I think of child-led parenting practices, I wonder if low expectations are often at the root. We don't really expect our children to obey when we set a rule so we become wishy-washy on the enforcement of the rule. This seems to me a major difference between my more mainstream friends and their discipline approach and my more AP friends.

Today when I was discussing this idea with some mommy friends of mine, they pointed out that I've been looking at this whole problem from a very human perspective. God does not always define grace and mercy in the way we want it to be. Sometimes, grace and mercy are allowing the full consequences of something to come down on us. In this way, in His infinite mercy, He teaches us about ourselves. I have certainly been taught much about my own broken self this way. I needed this gentle reminder that my parenting role model is to be my Heavenly Papa first and foremost.

Beauty and that elusive, oh-so perfect body

I find myself sometimes watching other women, usually young and generally childless. I watch the way their clothes hang on their bodies and notice that when they move nothing jiggles. No arm fat hangs down and there is nothing like cellulite or softness anywhere near their stomachs or hips. I lust. I envy. I chide myself. My mind rapidly runs from the top of my head down to my toes, carefully and brutally taking inventory of my faults. My hair is brittle and frizzy but remains dreadfully straight, almost stringy, my teeth are yellow and crooked, my nose is pointy, one eye is higher than the other, my arms are fat, my breasts hang low and are too large, my stomach bulges and rolls and squishes, my hips are too wide, my bottom too flat, my thighs are lumpy yet soft, my calves are hairy, my feet are dry. No one else has these problems. When I look, they look good. I can only see perfection through my green lens.

I do not visit the gym. This is a source of guilt. I do not work out. I sometimes eat ice cream or chocolate cake or even oreo cookies. But I walk a lot, almost everyday, I tell myself. And I cook most of our food from scratch and it is mostly organic and is all natural. And I am very active. I whisper to myself: I dance, I chase my baby, I garden. Oh yeah, and I'm still nursing a lot. Doesn't that count? But it is never enough. The thin girls win. I can never again have that pre-pubescent child's body. My body is that of a woman and I cannot revel in that. I cannot enjoy the fact that my body grew a child. My body delivered this child with no assistance. My body nourishes this child. I cannot celebrate my body's strength. I cannot celebrate my womanliness. I cannot find it sexy. There is something very wrong with my mind. My body is strong and healthy but my mind tells me this is not true. My mind sees faults and ugliness. My mind is wrong but I cannot make it know that.

But isn't this what every women thinks? Who was it who told us that we cannot be women? Why do we give them this power? Why do we continue to give them this power even when we recognize this problem? Why do we beat ourselves up trying to turn back our bodies to our childhood days... and why do we accept that a child's body is sexier than a woman's body? There is something very sick about that.