Bow Tie

Bow Tie, originally uploaded by studor.

I won this bow tie pattern from the blog for Crab Apple Attic yesterday. I had the sewing machines set up today to refashion some jeans into maternity jeans and Mr Man was bound and determined to have his bow tie made immediately. So, I gave him a stack of fabric to pick from and we set to work.

The pattern is incredibly simple and clearly written. Honestly, the thing that took the longest was turning the pieces right side out. All together, including printing the pattern and cutting the fabric, I think it took me 45 minutes. It took longer to figure out how to tie the thing! Mr Man is thrilled with it. The pattern is called Sunday Best Bow Tie and he picked this one out to be his "plain Sunday tie" instead of his "fancy Easter tie."

If you sew, even minimally, and have a dapper little guy hanging around, I recommend giving this patter a go!

Home

Two of the blogs I follow daily had posts about home today. One was a woman telling us that she & her family have had to declare bankruptcy and are leaving their home, a precious space they have built with a lot of blood, sweat and toil. A space that literally saved their lives. The other was in reference to a new book Handmade Home (which I am drooling over). That blog is hosting a giveaway and asked readers to leave a comment telling their favorite part of their home. I want this book so I thought I might as well try... but oh that question!

I struggle with our house. It rarely feels like home to me. Mostly it feels like a mountain of chaos and a never-ending, up-hill battle for some semblance of order. But I crave the serenity and peace that I associate with the word "home". I want to create a space that is quiet (at least visually!) and calm and ordered. I crave a space that brings beautiful aesthetics to ordinary, functional things. This takes various forms depending on my energy. Most recently, I've been daydreaming about throwing everything out and starting from scratch. That'll never happen, which is partly why I feel so defeated before I ever begin.

As I began to think about how I would answer the question, I breathed a deep sigh (and cringed cause I can't figure out where the rotting food smell is coming from which makes me want to cry at this point). I thought of the living room and immediately started listing all the points of chaos. I thought of the dining room and stopped short with my sewing cabinet and lack of space for projects and the damper this places on my creating. Then my eyes rested on my kitchen window sill and I felt that little bit of peace and order I crave. My kitchen window sill is the only space that I feel is completely mine. My husband does not care about it. I'm not sure he has ever looked at it. My children cannot reach it. It's a pretty unassuming little space, really. The window looks out on a brick wall and the sink is usually crowded with some amount of dirty dishes. But... the brick wall hosts a robin's nest and there is a row of funky tile chickens above the sink. And the morning light splashes and spills over the sill magnificently. My only three houseplants are lined up in a row here, soaking up that light. I have collected a handful of small gifts from dear friends here. I think it is these treasures that have finalized this as my little space of serenity. They remind me of these women who are so dear to me.

I'm grateful I took the time to think through the answer to this question. It has made me realize that even in chaos, I can claim a little bit of space. Even when I feel like an utter failure and am tempted to the brink of self-pity, I am surrounded by people who love me. The Lord is good. My kitchen window sill, this thin horizontal line in a blur of dark black squiggles, reminds me of peace, order and joy.

Been thinking...

Yes, I am still here. I have been so busy this summer. I'm beginning to feel completely overwhelmed by everything that must get done and everything that's not getting done and everything I want to get done. Many days nothing gets done and I just want to sit and cry. So, to try and get over the pity party, I thought I'd write up some of the things I'm learning this summer. The main thing that has pushed me over the edge is taking on a few days working at our little farm. This little extra is the thing that is going to break this mama! But, having stretched too far has helped me to really look closely at what I want, love and hope to do.

I guess I always feel a little guilty wanting to stay home with my kids, just to teach them, keep my house the way I want it and keep my toes in the art process. Often when I'm talking to other mothers, I hear them talking about going back to school, not really wanting to be a "full-time mommy" or creating careers for themselves. It seems like many of them are fighting to keep a part of themselves that is not defined by mothering alive through their career or job. And often I feel like they think I can't possibly be sane or right for finding such peace in the slower pace of just living with my kids and my home. I know there are many mothers out there like me. Mothers who take pride and pleasure in *doing* for their homes & families. But I don't know many of them first hand. And a lot of the time I feel like most other women think I'm at the worst pulling women back nearly a century or at the best a little crazy.

How does all this relate to working at my little farm this summer? Well, one of the hard lessons I've learned this summer is that creating for myself and my family is demanding and when I take on outside work as a means of justifying being at home full time, I leave no time or energy for myself to create for my family. I love to make things. I love to be surrounded by beautiful handmade things. I dream of having a home that is mostly handmade and durable and spartanly simple (yes, yes, I know who I am married to and I know I will never get "spartanly simple" but a girl's gotta have something to dream about, right?).

All of this thinking and re-evaluating has led me to the point of being ok with just wanting to be a homemaker, mother and artist. It's a lot of creative work to make a home the way I want. But I don't need to justify it to people who think I'm crazy for wanting this. And I'm a relatively adaptable person so no one needs to worry that I won't have anything to occupy my mind once my kids are grown and gone, either. I'll find something. It's a bonus of being curious.

So, what am I dreaming about for the end of the growing season? I'm dreaming about a MAJOR decluttering session. I'm talking a month of daily purges and a defined place for every last bit of thing in my space! I'm dreaming of hanging new curtains and painting pretty colors. I'm dreaming of making new clothes and knitting new sweaters and maybe some socks too. I'm dreaming of stepping into the challenge of beginning school in a more active sort of way. Of devoting entire days to following my child's lead and seeing what he wants to explore and learn. And I'm dreaming of slowing down and setting my own pace. And cooking meals that take a little more time than 30 minutes to prepare. I'm dreaming of being busy but a different kind of busy. A slower, more fluid kind of busy. Thanks for dreaming with me.

back in pieces

We're all home after our annual trip to Cornerstone festival. And I'd love to say we're rested but today and yesterday have really been an extension of vacation. I did manage to start the laundry. Well, actually, hubby started the laundry and I managed to lose steam on it. And today I made all our meals and got some groceries in the house to supplement our veg patch. But, really, not much has happened that needs to happen. And I guess I'm coming to terms with the idea that I am not cut out to be busy. I hate busy. It overwhelms me pretty quickly so after a week of busy, returning immediately to our busy lives here is daunting. I have long been amazed at the togetherness of so many mamas around me. Especially the ones who seem to have tidy, clean houses plus working all day long outside the home. I love tidy and clean. They are restful to me. But they don't seem to last more than a few hours around here. And this season with me working on the farm the few unscheduled days I had left, means that tidy & clean aren't even happening that often. So I obsess over how to make it happen (and I waste time online as well as daydreaming of a constant helper int he struggle for order) while in actuality, nothing happens.

sigh. Anyone want to come sort through my mountains of stuff for me? :D

Bounty

mpurppot2, originally uploaded by studor.

This is a little bit of what's been keeping me away from my computer! These gorgeous potatoes grew in our backyard. They are the first of the spring harvest (otherwise known as thinning the potato patch). Every time I cut one open I am amazed at how gorgeous they are!

Besides growing beautiful potatoes in the backyard veggie garden, we've been working a couple or three days a week at a local urban farm all spring and now summer. We started weekly days back in march and I feel like I've been hiding in a (sweaty, dirt covered) hole ever since! I *did* get some great sewing done. However, I have not taken pictures of it. Anyone who saw my Easter dress can attest that it's really cute, lol!

And I must confess I joined facebook which took what little computer time I have and gave me something other than my blog to squander it on! But, I'm over the newbie obsession so maybe now I can get back to posting. I have many, many thoughts on some of the things I am learning at out little farm... which is about the size of a really large garden but since we apply organic farming/growing techniques we'll allow the use of the word "farm". More soon... enjoy my beautiful potatoes!

This terrifies me. Is our government so absolutely in the pocket of industry?

I'm back...

I'll be posting the hand-bag tutorial in the next couple days plus I have oodles of clothes to share with you (Easter dress fun)! And I even have a "real" post of the contemplative kind kicking around in the back of my brain. But first, I must get through Easter weekend and do some serious backing up of all things important off this hard drive!