Home

Two of the blogs I follow daily had posts about home today. One was a woman telling us that she & her family have had to declare bankruptcy and are leaving their home, a precious space they have built with a lot of blood, sweat and toil. A space that literally saved their lives. The other was in reference to a new book Handmade Home (which I am drooling over). That blog is hosting a giveaway and asked readers to leave a comment telling their favorite part of their home. I want this book so I thought I might as well try... but oh that question!

I struggle with our house. It rarely feels like home to me. Mostly it feels like a mountain of chaos and a never-ending, up-hill battle for some semblance of order. But I crave the serenity and peace that I associate with the word "home". I want to create a space that is quiet (at least visually!) and calm and ordered. I crave a space that brings beautiful aesthetics to ordinary, functional things. This takes various forms depending on my energy. Most recently, I've been daydreaming about throwing everything out and starting from scratch. That'll never happen, which is partly why I feel so defeated before I ever begin.

As I began to think about how I would answer the question, I breathed a deep sigh (and cringed cause I can't figure out where the rotting food smell is coming from which makes me want to cry at this point). I thought of the living room and immediately started listing all the points of chaos. I thought of the dining room and stopped short with my sewing cabinet and lack of space for projects and the damper this places on my creating. Then my eyes rested on my kitchen window sill and I felt that little bit of peace and order I crave. My kitchen window sill is the only space that I feel is completely mine. My husband does not care about it. I'm not sure he has ever looked at it. My children cannot reach it. It's a pretty unassuming little space, really. The window looks out on a brick wall and the sink is usually crowded with some amount of dirty dishes. But... the brick wall hosts a robin's nest and there is a row of funky tile chickens above the sink. And the morning light splashes and spills over the sill magnificently. My only three houseplants are lined up in a row here, soaking up that light. I have collected a handful of small gifts from dear friends here. I think it is these treasures that have finalized this as my little space of serenity. They remind me of these women who are so dear to me.

I'm grateful I took the time to think through the answer to this question. It has made me realize that even in chaos, I can claim a little bit of space. Even when I feel like an utter failure and am tempted to the brink of self-pity, I am surrounded by people who love me. The Lord is good. My kitchen window sill, this thin horizontal line in a blur of dark black squiggles, reminds me of peace, order and joy.